June 28, 2018 – Fucking Mattress

Me: Honey, why is it the mattress gets moved off my side of the bed every night?

Cheryl: I don’t know.

Me: Could it be because you end up on my side of the bed every night?

Cheryl: Fuck you and your mattress.

Me: I’ll take that as a yes.

*she proceeds to shove me onto the bed and try to tickle me*

Me: I love being right.

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