Me: Honey, why is it the mattress gets moved off my side of the bed every night?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Me: Could it be because you end up on my side of the bed every night?
Cheryl: Fuck you and your mattress.
Me: I’ll take that as a yes.
*she proceeds to shove me onto the bed and try to tickle me*
Me: I love being right.
Conversations With My Wife And More 